![]() ![]() ![]() I started feeling strange, and I felt the need to play something! I needed an escape. I disconnected the PC, put everything in boxes, and stored it in the attic. I raised my index finger, and slowly pushed down on the button, holding it down for a moment and then. Needless to say it was one of the most psychologically intense visits to the toilet in my life.Īs I walked back to my room, my heart was pounding like crazy, I knew that this moment would define my life, my mind was at war! The most epic battle for the future of mankind! My brain was on fire, I felt anxious, fearful, yet excited. Then my mind released the well known storm of reasons why I wouldn’t be able to do it. “If I ever wanted to quit gaming, this would be the hardest moment to do it” I went to the bathroom, and looking down at the toilet, I had this crazy thought… Then one Friday evening, I was playing a recently purchased game and was having a great time looking forward to a whole weekend gaming. I improved, but not in any significant way. Therapy, psychiatrists, enlightenment, mindfulness. I willingly gave myself time to do anything and everything in order to find a way to be happy, and alive. It was a gift from myself to myself, no one else had power over that decision. ![]() I was wrong.Īt age 28 I was done with my life, games were no longer giving me that peace of mind, and I lost the will to keep going, but somehow I endured, and oh boy was it worth it!Īt age 31 I decided to give myself one more year of life, only one more year. I became dependent on games to give me the needed escape, justifying gaming as the only thing in life that makes me happy. All these years in isolation and fear eventually led to depression. Watch: How to Overcome Escapism I thought the worst was behind meĪge 26. Games gave me the release I craved, the peace of mind I needed, and a place to be myself. How could I endure years of that? How could anyone? Well, games. I ran away from school many times, and became good at manipulating adults into doing what I wanted, while fearing and hating people my age. I was bullied, ridiculed, and stalked during every recess. Middle school started, new games, new PC, new possibilities of gaming. I began to get very angry when something went wrong in a game, and I remember growling in anger uncontrollably in front of the TV. Then came more games after Mario, and then even more. I woke up every morning at 4am to play a bit before school. There I was, 12 years old feeling for the first time the amazing thrill of being able to play Mario on my brand new N64. ![]()
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